12 Inches Required3 men walk into a bar.
After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender
won't let them unless they have 12 inches of dick between them.
The first guy whips his out and shows 6 inches.
The second guy drops his pants and shows 5 inches.
Finally, the third guy shows his 1-inch dick.
The bartender says "Ok, that's 12 inches you can go".
As they're walking away the first guy says to the third, "Thank god you had a
boner or we'd still be there".
(They, Drink, Couple, Ready, Leave, Bartender, Them, Have, Dick, Between, First, Second, Third, Inch, That, Away, Thank, Still, There)
Feeling Angry
Two drunks were in a bar feeling angry.
Then Angry got mad and walked out.
(Were, Angry, Then, Angry)
Penguin
This guy runs into a bar and shouts, "Quick, how tall is a penguin??"
The bartender looks stunned.
"An empire penguin can be about this tall," he says, gesturing.
So the guy says, "Oh no, I just ran over two nuns!"
(This, Into, Quick, Tall, Penguin, Bartender, Empire, About, This, Just, Over)
Man got puzzled in the Bar
A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he
decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's the
name of your penis?" The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want
is a drink."
The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me
the name of your penis". So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is
sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to
left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX". The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The
fellow proudly replies, "Cause it takes a licking' and
keeps on ticking'!"
A little shaken, the guy turns to the fellow on his right sipping on a fruity
margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?"
The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality
is Job 1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a
name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my
penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks,
"Why secret?" The guy says, "Because it's strong enough for a man but made for a
woman!"
(Into, Once, Inside, What, Heck, Want, Drink, Down, Bartender, Name, Your, Penis, Look, That, Sorry, Serve, Until, Tell, Sitting, Left, Sipping, Beer, What, With, Smile, Back, Timex, Timex, Fellow, Cause, Little, Shaken, Right, Call, Ford, Because, Quality, Then, Have, Driven, Ford, Even)
Honey Im late
A woman sends her husband out to buy some escargot
for a dinner party that night. Instead of going
straight to the store, the husband decides to stop
at a local bar. He has a few beers, and then some
more, and pretty soon he looks at his watch and finds
he's over an hour late for the dinner party. He
dashes to the store, picks up the escargot, and
frantically drives home. When he walks in the door
he can hear his wife coming from the kitchen. So he
takes the bag of snails and quickly throws them
all over the floor. When his wife walks into the room,
he says, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
(Woman, Husband, Some, Party, That, Night, Instead, Store, Local, Then, More, Pretty, Soon, Watch, Over, Hour, Late, Home, When, Hear, Wife, From, Kitchen, Floor, Into, Room, Come, Almost, There)
Bar Tab in Alaska
It's forty below zero one-winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local
saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."
"Sorry," says Pat",I'm flat broke this week."
"That's okay," says the bartender.
"I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."
"But", says Pat, "I don't want any of my friends to see that".
"They won't," says the bartender.
"I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
(Forty, Below, Zero, Winter, Night, Alaska, Local, Saloon, Bartender, Quite, Your, Sorry, Flat, Broke, This, Week, That, Okay, Just, Write, Name, Amount, Right, Here, Wall, Want, That, They, Hang, Parka, Over, Until, Paid)
Biker bar interview
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker
with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club".
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker
requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady said, "Yeah, that's my Harley over there", and points to a
Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady said, "Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a
day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker was impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the
fuzz?"
The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've
been swung around by my nipples a few times".
(Little, Lady, Join, Club, Door, Local, Hairy, With, Over, Want, Your, Told, That, Meet, Certain, Before, Have, Bike, Said, Yeah, Harley, There, Driveway, Smoke, Four, Couple, While, Pool, Well, Been, Fuzz, Never, Swung, Around)
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