An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach
notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman
approaches her and says 'Have you ever been kissed?' No
says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a
while the Scotchman approaches her and says 'Have you ever
been fondled?'. She says no and he fondles her, much to her
delight. After onother while the irishman approaces her
and asks 'Have you ever been fucked?. she says no. 'Well
you are fucked now because the tide's gone out.
(Irishman, Englishman, Sitting, Beach, Notice, Mermaid, Rock, Have, Been, Mermaid, While, Much, Delight, Irishman, Well, Because, Tide, Gone)
Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if
my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is
some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and
one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are
the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
(Polish, Wedding, Sure, Future, Bride, Virgin, Buddy, There, Easy, Test, That, Need, Paint, Some, Blue, Shovel, Ball, Your, Honeymoon, Those, Seen, With)
Jewish telegram
Jewish telegram: ÂBegin worrying. Details to follow.Â
(Jewish, Telegram, Follow)
Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.
(Hear, About, Mexico, City, Earthquake, Million, Worth)
A Jewish Mother
Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?
You're going out?
Yes.
With whom?
With a friend.
I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.
I didn't leave him. He left me!
You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.
I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.
There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
What are you hinting at?
Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he
finds out?
My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me,
he probably never slept alone!
So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
He's not a loser.
A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a
parasite.
I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
Poor children with such a mother.
Such as what?
With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
ENOUGH !!!
Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
Now you're worried about the loser?
Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
Goodbye, mother.
Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
(Leave, With, Tonight, With, Whom, Friend, Know, Left, Your, Husband, Such, Good, Anybody, Bring, Over, Never, Except, Father, There, That, What, Nothing, Just, Want, Stay, Night, Will, Think, Would, From, Slept, Alone, Sleep, This, Place, Goes, Woman, Children, Parasite, Argue, Should)
The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger.
The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could
row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall.
The Pole, the ship's doctor, said that they could not possibly last
that long, that there was only one solution to the problem and that
one of them would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others.
The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that he
would volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway.
After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen, the captain jumped
overboard and sank without trace.
(Three, Shipwreck, Were, Being, Driven, Irishman, Expert, Told, That, They, Lifeboat, More, Could, Make, Pole, Ship, Doctor, Said, Long, There, Only, Solution, Problem, Them, Would, Have, Sacrifice, Themselves, Good, Englishman, Captain, Quite, Volunteer, Should, Gone, Down, With)
An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when
all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me
beck the party!"
She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over
again."
He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da
party."
She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again."
He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove
it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up.
Two days later he opens the door and there are two big,
strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your
telephone out."
He says, "Vy?"
They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago.
But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the
telephone here."
He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes
to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello,
Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I
told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere?"
She says, "Yes?"
He says, "Vell, get ready - dey're bringin' it to ya!"
(Jewish, Long, California, When, Sudden, Beck, Party, Sorry, Have, Make, Call, Over, Again, What, Want, From, Life, Place, Know, Take, Telephone, Shove, Later, Door, There, Strapping, Came, Take, Your, They, Because, Like, Leave, Here, Minute, Rush, Hurry, Goes, Hello, Remember, Told)
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