Settling a cow case
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
(City, Lawyer, Railroad, Lawsuit, Prize, Bull, From, Section, Through, Which, Only, Paid, Fair, Value, Case, Tried, Before, Justice, Peace, Back, Room, General, Store, Attorney, Settle, Court, Best, Agreed, Take, Half, What, Took, Check, Young, Resist, Little, Over, Success, Know, Hate)
This Little Piggy
A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding, but didn't quite know how to do it. He soon found out that the vet would charge him $200 a pig. That was a little rich for his blood, so he figured he might be able to do it himself. So for three weeks, he'd load up all the pigs in the truck and take 'em to an isolated location where nobody would see him doing it. After three weeks, none of the pigs were pregnant, so he decided to forget about it for a morning. That morning, his wife happened to look out the window.
"Honey? What are you doing to those pigs?"
"What do you mean?" asked the farmer.
"One's honking the horn, and the others are rocking the back of the truck."
(Just, Bought, Some, Quite, Know, Soon, Found, That, Would, Charge, That, Little, Rich, Blood, Might, Able, Himself, Three, Weeks, Load, Truck, Take, Where, Nobody, None, Were, Pregnant, Forget, About, Wife, Look, Window, Honey, What, Those, Mean, Horn, Back)
Sheep Boy
A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside to find a man screwing one of his sheep and a little boy watching. He walks up to the boy and says "Who's that screwing my sheep?" The boy replies, "That's my Daaaaaaaad."
(That, Farm, Goes, Find, Sheep, Little, That)
Stayin' Alive
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
(Cowboy, Told, Grandson, Secret, Long, Life, Said, Sprinkle, Little, Gunpowder, Your, Oatmeal, Live, Nice, Ripe, This, Every, Sure, Enough, When, Died, Left, Behind, Children, Grandchildren, Great, Foot, Hole, Wall)
Celebrating an event
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
(Wife, Were, Against, Edge, Their, When, Woman, That, Next, Week, Would, Mark, Golden, Wedding, Anniversary, Have, Party, Kill, Head, Ethel, Should, Take, Blame, Something, Fifty)
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes...
A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.
One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.
The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"
The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
(Beautiful, Woman, Garden, Seem, Tomatoes, Turn, While, Stroll, Came, Upon, Most, Full, Huge, Gentlemen, What, Your, Well, Twice, Stand, Front, Tomato, Expose, Myself, From, Much, Same, Thing, Would, Work, Weeks, Herself, Best, Make, Enormous)
The Pig with the Wooden Leg
There was a tourist on a farm and he asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"Well one night our house caught on fire. And he came into our house and he woke us all up."
"So," the tourist asked again, "why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"Well, a pig that brave you can't eat all at once!"
(There, Farm, Wooden, Said, That, Have, Well, Night, House, Caught, Fire, Came, Into, Woke, Again, That, Brave, Once)
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