Trip To Europe
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, Iâm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. Iâll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus heâs screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".
(Beautiful, Young, York, Woman, Depressed, That, Life, Herself, Into, Ocean, Just, Before, Could, Throw, From, Handsome, Sailor, Have, Much, Live, Said, Look, Europe, Tomorrow, Stow, Away, Ship, Take, Care, Bring, Food, Every, Keep, Happy, With, Nothing, Lose, With, Fact, Always, That)
Health Violation
Q:What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A:A quater-pounder with cheese.
(What, Call, With, Yeast, Cheese)
Genie In A Bottle
A husband and wife were having an argument. Suddenly the husband picked up a bottle lying near him and threw it at his wife. The bottle missed the wife and got into the neighbours' house breaking the window glass.
Now both the husband and wife got embarassed and went to apologise to the neighbour. Upon reaching the house, they found out a young man sitting on a couch with a smile on his face.
Before the couple could say anything, the man said, "I am a genie. I was enclosed in that bottle for many years, but you two have set me free, so ask for any three boons you want to and it shall be fulfilled. But against your three boons you will have to fulfill one wish of mine".
The couple were so happy that they didn't think twice and presented their wishes.
"I want millions of dollars in my account", The husband said.
"Done", said the genie.
"I want diamond jewelleries in all my vaults".
"Done", said the genie.
"I want bunglows all over the world", said the husband.
"Done", said the geniee.
Now it was the time of the genies wish. "So" the genie said, "I have fulfilled all the three wishes you have said, and its time for my wish. I have not slept with a women for long. I wish to have sex with your wife.
The couple got worried, but the husband explained that it was only a genie and it didn't matter much to him. Besides the genie has given them a lot of things. So the wife consented.
The geniee and the wife had a lovely night together.
Finally in the morning the genie said, "it was wonderful but how old is your husband?"
"Why, he is just thirty five"
"My god ", said the geniee, "even at thirty five he still believes in geniees".
(Husband, Wife, Were, Argument, Bottle, Lying, Near, Threw, Into, House, Window, Glass, Both, Went, Upon, They, Found, Young, Sitting, Couch, With, Smile, Face, Before, Couple, Could, Anything, Said, Genie, That, Many, Have, Free, Three, Want, Shall, Against, Your, Will, Fulfill, Wish)
Cut-Backs
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."
(Wealthy, Came, Home, From, Trip, Told, Wife, That, Lost, Their, Entire, Fortune, They, Have, Alter, Life, Style, Just, Learn, Cook, Said, Fire, Chef, Okay, Make, Love)
Loving Wife
A man was just recovering in hospital after being unconscious for a week. His wife was sitting by his side when he woke up.
Man: Honey, you've been by my side when I was in that car crash, you were there when I lost my job, you were present when my parents died, and you were by my side when someone stole all my money from my account.....and you know what?
Wife: What?
Man: I think you're bad luck.
(Just, Hospital, Being, Week, Wife, Sitting, Side, When, Woke, Honey, Been, That, Crash, Were, There, Lost, Present, Died, Someone, Stole, Money, From, Account, Know, What, Wife, What, Think, Luck)
Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly
over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee.
They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something.
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her
panties, use them, then throw them away.
Her friend, however, was wearing
a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was
lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that.
After finishing, they then made off for home.
The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."
"That's nothing, said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her
ass that said, "From All of Us At the Fire Station, We'll Never Forget
You."
(Women, Gone, Night, Been, Enthusiastic, Drunk, Home, They, They, Were, Very, Near, Graveyard, Them, Their, Business, Behind, Head, Stone, Something, First, Woman, Nothing, Wipe, With, Thought, Take, Then, Throw, Away, Friend, However, Rather, Expensive, Want, Ruin, Salvage, Large)
Purifying Water
A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter. He asks the first nun, "Sister Karen have you ever had any contact with a penis???"
The nun giggles and replies, "Well, once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."
St Peter says OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate.
St Peter asks the next nun the same question. "Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis.."
The nun is a little reluctant but reply's
"Well I once fondled and stroked one..
St Peter says, "OK dip your hand in the holy water and pass through the gate..."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the
line of nuns. One nun is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St Peter says "Sister, what seems to be the rush???"
The nun replys "If I'm going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!!!"
(Train, Load, They, Perish, They, Heaven, Enter, Gates, Past, Peter, First, Sister, Karen, Have, Contact, With, Penis, Well, Once, Head, Finger, Your, Water, Pass, Through, Gate, Next, Same, Question, Elizabeth, Little, Reluctant, Hand, Sudden, There, Commotion, Front, Line, When, What)
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