Men in singles bars
Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They're married.
(What, Thing, That, Have, Common, They, Married)
Matching Viagra
Female Viagra
With the introduction of Viagra to fix a perennial male problem, a famous
pharmaceutical company is working to redress the balance.
MIRRORCILLIN - A 5cc dose enables a woman to walk past mirrors for up to four
hours without pausing once.
STOPPANAGGIN - Gives women a vague feeling of contentment towards their
spouse/boyfriend.
COSMOPOLIRA - Doubles female intelligence to almost simian
levels, allowing 'facts' in trash lifestyle magazines to be disputed.
LOGICON - Trials showed that females taking this were able to follow a
proposition through to its logical conclusion, and argue effectively without
being diverted into non-relevant postulates such as 'you don't love me
anymore'.
PARKATRON - 72% of women taking this were able to safely reverse
park a Ford Fiesta into a space only 12 meters long; 54% achieved this in under
15 minutes.
MAGNATACK - Uniquely distorts the cornea, making certain shapes appear much
larger than in reality - no practical use for this drug has yet been found.
WARDROBIA - Clinical trials show that almost 23% of women taking this drug can
safely walk past a sale notice, and an amazing 42% stayed within their credit
limit.
BEERINTULIN - Engenders a female desire to bring her spouse/boyfriend
alcoholic beverages and snacks during televised sports.
(Female, Introduction, Perennial, Male, Problem, Famous, Company, Balance, Dose, Woman, Walk, Past, Four, Without, Once, Women, Vague, Their, Spouse, Boyfriend, Female, Almost, Simian, Trash, Lifestyle, That, This, Were, Able, Follow, Proposition, Through, Conclusion, Argue, Being)
Fingers
A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quicky rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, “Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do'.”
“But I don't have the fingers!”
“What! You don't have the fingers!?” said the doctor, “You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsugery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new.”
“But Doc, I couldn't pick them up.”
(With, Electric, When, Room, Doctor, There, Told, Give, What, Have, What, Said, Should, Brought, Them, Could, Done, Like, Stuff, Back, Good, Pick)
Prehistoric Pick-up Line
I ain't no Fred Flintstone, but I could sure make your bed rock!
(Fred, Could, Sure, Make, Your, Rock)
Princess story
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened
upon a frog in a pond. the frog said to the princess, "i was once a handsome
prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. one kiss from you and i will turn
back into a prince and we can marry, move into the castle with my mother, and
you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel
happy doing so."
that night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and
thought, "i don't f****** think so!"
(Once, Upon, Time, Beautiful, Independent, Self, Princess, Frog, Pond, Said, Once, Handsome, Prince, Until, Evil, Witch, Spell, Kiss, From, Will, Turn, Back, Into, Marry, Move, Castle, With, Mother, Prepare, Clean, Bear, Children, Forever, Feel, Happy, That, Night, While, Herself)
Satisfaction
There was an older man who'd married a younger woman. All was going well... except in the bedroom. He couldn't last long enough to satisfy her. She said it didn't matter but he knew it was getting her down. So he went to the doctor and asked for help.
The doctor recommended that he satisfy himself before they have sex - that way, he'd last longer. The next day, the man planned on ravishing his wife when he came home, and decided to please himself on the way. So he pulled over onto a quiet road. But he couldn't just sit there in his car having a wank, so he decided to lie under the car and pretend that he was fixing he car. He crawled under the car, closed his eyes, imagined his wife naked, and started wanking. After a while he felt something tugging at his jeans.
"Sir, this is the police. Would you mind telling us what you're doing?"
Not wanting to lose this wonderful image of his wife he kept his eyes closed.
"I'm just fixing the axle of my car, officer."
"Well, while you're down there you'd better check the brakes. Your car has crashed into a tree half a mile down the road!"
(There, Married, Woman, Well, Except, Bedroom, Last, Long, Enough, Satisfy, Said, Knew, Getting, Down, Went, Doctor, Help, That, Himself, Before, They, Have, Next, Wife, When, Came, Home, Please, Over, Onto, Quiet, Road, Just, There, Under, Pretend, Naked, While, Felt, Something, Tugging)
Three Guys With Dumb Wives
   Three guys are sitting in a bar when the first
guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her
car and she doesn't have an automatic garage door."
   The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb,
she has a cellular phone antenna on her car and she doesn't even have a cellular
phone."
   The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she
carries a purse full of rubbers and she doesn't even have a dick."
(Three, Sitting, When, Wife, Dumb, Automatic, Garage, Door, Have, Second, Cellular, Phone, Antenna, Even, Third, Purse, Full, Dick)
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