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   Ask The Doctor
A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...," to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
(Woman, Pregnant, With, First, Child, Paid, Visit, Obstetrician, Office, Exam, Shyly, Said, Husband, Which, Doctor, Know, Hand, Shoulder, That, Time, Fine, Until, Late, Still, Lawn)


Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what´s been going on
since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one
asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally
asked "How is she in bed?" First guy replies "She´s fantastic, she sucks
like a real man!"
(Long, Time, About, Been, Since, They, Last, Them, Other, First, Fantastic, Like, Real)


   Three Breasts
There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light district until he
passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "The Hooker with Three
Breasts..." The man gut's just a little interested and thinks "well... that
could be a once in a lifetime experience". So he goes in and walks up to the man
behind the counter. "I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts" he says.


"Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousand dollars" the
pimp replies. But, the man is too exited; pull's his wallet and pays him the
money. So, he's taken up three stairs to a little room in the back of the house
and when he opens the room... there she is. The room is dark but as he comes
closer he sees it... three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of
his life.

The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking of the night
before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimp another thousand
dollars. Again, he goes up three stairs to that little dark room in the back of
the house. And as the day before, she lies there waiting.

But, as he walks up to the hooker, he sees that something is wrong... "Hey!
You had three breasts yesterday..." he says after which she smiles and says
"What did you expect honey... you can only suck out a boil like that once!"
There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light district until he
passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "The Hooker with Three
Breasts..." The man gut's just a little interested and thinks "well... that
could be a once in a lifetime experience". So he goes in and walks up to the man
behind the counter. "I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts" he says.


"Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousand dollars" the
pimp replies. But, the man is too exited; pull's his wallet and pays him the
money. So, he's taken up three stairs to a little room in the back of the house
and when he opens the room... there she is. The room is dark but as he comes
closer he sees it... three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of
his life.

The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking of the night
before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimp another thousand
dollars. Again, he goes up three stairs to that little dark room in the back of
the house. And as the day before, she lies there waiting.

But, as he walks up to the hooker, he sees that something is wrong... "Hey!
You had three breasts yesterday..." he says after which she smiles and says
"What did you expect honey... you can only suck out a boil like that once!"
(There, This, Walk, Around, Light, District, Until, With, Sign, Three, Just, Little, Well, That, Could, Once, Lifetime, Experience, Goes, Behind, Like, Three, Sure, Afford, Cost, Thousand, Pimp, Pull, Wallet, Money, Taken, Room, Back, House, When, There, Dark, Night, Life, Next, Past, Same)


   A penis...
Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
(What, Thing, World, Penis, Even, Thought, Raise)


Two men were talking to each other about how pussy taste.
The first guy said"I think it taste like cherry pie".The
other guy said "I think it taste like shit".Then
the first guy said "you are supposed to turn her over".

Sent by Don Chamberlin
(Were, Each, Other, About, Pussy, Taste, First, Said, Think, Like, Cherry, Turn, Over)


   You Bet Your (Sex) Life
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of
strokes.

The golfer says to him, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your
sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless,
but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the
putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on
this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another
fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure."

He makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.

Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be
willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says,
"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am.
I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's Father O'Malley."
(Competitive, Match, With, Friend, Ahead, Couple, Give, Anything, Sink, This, Next, Putt, Would, Fourth, Your, Life, Crazy, That, Answer, Will, Also, Perhaps, Good, Omen, Okay, Later, Himself, Could, Only, Eagle, Hole, Same, Side, Worth, Another, Sure, Final, Though, Nothing, Rest, Club)


   Standardized Guide to the Bases
Standardized Guide to the Bases


Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school?
If so, do you remember talking about 'the bases' with your friends?
"Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got to
second base!"
Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was second
base? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? Noone was really sure. Also, the
bases tended to get progressively more intense as you got older. What's a
person to do?
Here, we mourn the passing of using baseball ananlogies to describe
sexual activity. But let's face it, there are more than four stages in
todays day and age of sex play. So, in the interests of both bringing
baseball sex metaphors in line with the complications of modern romance
and with standardizing the bases, we present the Standardized Guide to the
Bases.
First, let's examine what the bases could have meant in the old days.

- First Base- This was almost always kissing, although one guy
I knew thought it meant holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue
kissing and sometimes not.

- Second Base- Variously this meant tongue kissing, breast feeling, or
outside the clothes genital contact.

- Third Base- Usually this was a hand down the pants of you or your
partner.

- Home Run- This was ALWAYS sex, although it was rarely reached in
the times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.

Well that system is ok, if you are a young teenager with a repressed
sex drive. But what happens when you reach maturity and new factors enter
the equation, such as oral sex? And what about the exact definitions?
Well we have attempted to answer such puzzling questions and present without
further ado...

Standardized Guide to the Bases!

- On Deck- Having plans for a date
- Strike-Out- Duh!!
- Walk- Kissing
- Bunt- Masturbation
- Single- Tongue kissing
- Double- Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of
grabbing and feels
- Triple- Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual
masturbation
- Inside the park home run- Oral Sex
- Home Run- SEX!
- Ground Rule Double- would have sex, but no condom
- Error- Condom breaks during sex
- Banned for life for gambling- sex without condom
- Hall of Fame- Marriage

Now that we've got the basics, let's introduce some terms to
better explain all the things that can happen now a days.

- Balk- Premature ejaculation
- Pine Tar- KY jelly
- Relief pitcher- Vibrator
- Rain Delay- parents/roommate return home unexpectedly
- Box Seats- Waterbed
- Seventh Inning Stretch- Unusual positions
- Rookie- Virgin
- Minor Leagues- Under 18
- Loaded Bases- manage a trois
- Grand Slam- Sex three times in twelve hours
- Foul tip- VD
- Three up and three down- impotency

Now that we have the definitions, lets quickly contrast
the old confusion with current clarity.

OLD WAY- we um got to third base i guess and then we um got like
past third base, but not to home plate. i really like her.
NEW WAY- first, there was a triple, then we got and inside the
park home run, and started thinking, it's hall of fame time.
NEW WAY- So there i was with the bases loaded and nobody out,
when i balked during the seventh inning stretch and i had to call in
a relief pitcher.

Well, there you have it, i hope it has cleared up a lot of
the confusion and helps you out.

I hope that you enjoy this little tarticle on America's favorite pastime!
Douglas K. Blystone
- -

Rule 2.

Section3.

The referee shall have the power to make decisions on any point not
specifically covered in the rules.
(Guide, Remember, Middle, School, Junior, High, About, With, Your, Yeah, Dance, Went, Behind, They, Base, Well, That, Cool, What, Hell, Tongue, Kissing, Shirt, Sure, Also, More, Intense, What, Here, Mourn, Baseball, Face, There, Than, Four, Play, Both, Line, Modern, Present, First, Examine)



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